Day 1

Today we went to a church to help with VBS, which sounds pretty normal, right? Well this VBS was aimed towards helping children with disabilities have a good time in honor of Christ. I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, because, even though it sounds kinda bad, I don't know how to treat a child of this special attention. What is that supposed to mean, Sarah? Yeah, yeah, i know they're like every other kid. They're humans, too... Even so, it made me nervous.

Sitting in the room, the first child shows up and my nerves become a little less irritated. A couple more come and I feel more and more confident. Then the girl I have to attend to arrives and my heart just totally tanks into my stomach. I am responsible for this child. That's all I could think and I was really scared. Her mother seemed- not paranoid- but just... cautious, i guess. She was detailed to make sure she was telling the person every detail about her child. She even added "Don't have kids. Stay single!" with a nervous chuckle after the little comment and for some reason I just felt like I wanted to leave. I had more sympathy then joy. More pride, then willingness. I was disappointed in myself for that, now that I see what I've become... Conformed by selfishness.

After watching this girl, feeding this girl... supervising, caring for, and just watching this girl. I fought my insides to not judge anything about her or anything in her life. But it was strange to find that something like that would be that hard. I guess I was trained more by society then by my Father, and that totally broke my heart. To pieces.

I realized more than what people say about children with disabilities. Sure, they're human, too... And yeah, they're just like us. But something more than just quotable words and phrases that have been cliched to the point we're accepting only because we're accepting the cliche. To spend time with these children really shapes me to see through God's eyes. That these children are loved just as much as we are by the Almighty. That I am not to judge anyone. All this time I was arrogant thinking I didn't judge. That I was generous and like Him as I should be. But then I see that I am not perfect. Nor will I ever be. But I will try like crazy to strive for this perfection, yet knowing in my heart I will never reach it. I will try just to try, because I love Him. And I am to serve these kids a good time with a smile on my face not because I want to be perfect, or like him. Not because I'm trying to be a better person for myself... But because it is my duty to serve God and his people with my entire heart. Because, again, I love Him. And to love Him is to follow his commandments.... I read this today:

"Remember this- a farmer who plants only a few seeds will get a small crop. But the one who plants generously will get a generous crop. You much decide in your heart how much to ive. And don't give reluctantly or in response to pressure..." 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (NLT)

So today, I had "God-sighting" as we call it. In my own heart. A conviction. A "revealing" (which is our theme: Reveal.) That I've been too conceited to think I could ever be everything He wants me to be. That there is always room for improvement, and He will be sure to point it out. That I am definitely more than useless. But all I can do is react out of love. Love these children, love God, and love his commandments. And as I pray, pray with me so that God will reveal his tools and talents for me to make it through the week. Because, well, I'm still nervous. But I will try, for love's sake.

-Sarah Dublin